2004-04-27T22:26:00.000-07:00

UNHAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY

I hate this. It's my 30th birthday and my fiance didn't do anything for me. He tried to make it up to me by making a chocolate cake with whip cream lit it with candles and walked away. He probably feels guilty that he didn't so anything "special" for my birthday. I know I shouldn't bitch and complain but, I'm so tired of all of his bullshit and his deadbeat attitude that I called his mom and complained. Why in the world does this person not get it. He spent all day looking for places to buy his golf clubs. First he sells his gun then, he sells his golf clubs. He didn't sell them but, he should know better. He should just WORK or GO TO SCHOOL and get his shit together. I'm second guessing whether or not its worth marrying this guy. I'm afraid that I'll be left working my ass off like my mom for the rest of my entire life.

i've been paying for rent, the car, insurance, food, gas, clothes, etc. I even told him to file for unemployment. He didn't even do that. I can't do my taxes because, I have to pay for all of this. I cried so much today. He called me an asshole and a bitch, broke off the engagement, and told me that he hated me. I hurt so much inside. I prayed to God that I would meet someone who would love me and not make my life miserable. But I am miserable. I'm sad. I'm tired. I'm hungry. I'm tired. I'm hurt. I told him that I lie to people of what he does for a living to make him not sound so bad. When in actuality he's a deadbeat. He has no goals or aspirations. He's not agressive. He's not ambitious. He has no motivation to go back to school. He lied to me too. He told me today that he was kicked out of his college. After I asked him repeatedly to go back to school to finish so that we can start our life together. I don't even want to wear the ring anymore. It hurts too much. My sister is on a good track. Luckily her boyfriend is working and his parents are helping them buy a house. Whereas this guy is worried about the Giants games loosing their winning streak. I guess this is a turning point in my life when I must make a huge decision. Should I accept him for who he is and believe in him? Or should I break off the engagement and let him go completely. The risk of staying with him is that I may live a life of pain and agony of working my ass off and suffering. If I let him go, I loose what "could have been" and have to start from scratch and find someone new.

2004-04-12T04:06:00.000-07:00

What the hell happened to my journal? I can't believe that it's gone! Oh well, I have to start all over AGAIN! Thanks for nothing Blogger.com.

So much crap has happened with all of this wedding planning going on. My so-called best friend has decided to plan her wedding before mine. This girl is so competitive. She always wants to be the "center of attention". And what makes matter worse is that she is planning on having her wedding at the same venue where my fiance and I are getting married. What the hell is that all about? She' got some nerve. It's all jealousy and competitiveness when it comes to her. I was going to make her a bridesmaid but, I am definitely only going to include family in the entourage. She wants to have her wedding on a Thanksgiving weekend. Specifically, the day after Thanksgiving. Her sister announced it last night. People didn't pay attention to what she said because, her sister is already married and has a kid. So I have a feeling that they booked the same venue. I'm going to call the venue tomorrow to book the same date just so that they wont get it. Call me crazy but, there is no way she or her sister are going to ruin my wedding day. Another thing which pisses me off is that her MIL and her sister made rude remarks about my engagement ring. Throughout this whole experience, I am seeing people's true colors and who my real friends are. Here is my FINAL list for my entourage...

D, A, C, G, T

Another thing which is going on is my FMIL. She's driving me crazy. Initially, we were planning on getting married in Hawaii but, changed our plans to have it in the mainland. Reason for this is because, I didn't want her to take control of planning the wedding. However, it already seems as though she already is doing that. I really can't stand it. She and her sister already bought stuff for her to make the centerpieces. I don't want them to do that. Also, my FMIL wants to have her cousin bake our wedding cake. I don't want her to do that too. We were already thinking about hiring some potential vendors to take care of those. Argh, it's so irritating!

A day in my life